The day good luck left me.
I would not write if it was never this troubling.
6 years of pure agony.
When the youth of my blood was pure, and all things were possible.
When i would work without complain and never got tired.Yes those days i never experienced tiredness.
I was so pure even walking on the streets, i would sense danger follow or approach.True, right now if you read it and still a teen sounds like unreal world of comic.
Those days i would ask God for a sign, or an answer and i would somehow figure out everything.
It really never was Him speaking in real life every time, but He would put landmarks answers and luck all along the places i went.
All the girls i smiled at smiled back but then i never had the courage i have today to approach them.
Those days everyone i knew was surprised to not hear from me every now and then,lacking friends all around me was unreal like finding water in the south African country of Namibia or "emptiness".
Then not having my mother or father to me meant God really loved me to never experience pain of loosing them when i was older or again.
When i woke up each morning everything was possible and future was for me to choose..nothing seemed and was far from my ability.
"THE SPIRIT OF GOD LIVED IN ME." Because i did not have to eat well or take medicine ..i never even got sick,not one day i can remember or someone can tell.
At the age of 16 i knew all my life plans and goals in an achievable sequence and i knew when i would be done with me and start helping other people.
I knew all i had to do to have my mother or father again would be to use my money and find a poor family and invest in them.
Buy them a land build a house and make them a business plan and also start up one to keep helping them regenerate their own income.
Yes in that youth my life i had all things worked out in a final success story order.
By the age of 18, even coming from a slum in the country side, where the poorest person owns a cow a sheep a piece of land and a house i knew i would later be just like bill gate or better.
I knew i would not be a doctor or pilot but as a musician i knew i would be in lovers world hit charts and earn millions to rescue all poor people i knew.
And as at now i was 21, yes i was in college and i had never done all the things boys wish even buy a naked body scanner to undress women and the girls of my dreams.
All the stories i told were faked and had no true back ground like having sex with her ,yes the hotty who made boys hate to like me.
Somehow at 22 studying electronics installation and assembly was so simple assembly was like taking milk in the mid of night... I would help out everyone i would not understand why it was very hard to them.
Cut to the chase.
How did i get here to tell you this story.? Because today am struggling even with just keeping warm.
At thirty i already know how important it is to wear warm clothes because of one thing i DID.
Yes today i have to eat to work and be healthy.
I need money for everything else i need except breathing.
When i report to work i have to close before 5 because i am tired beyond my strength.
I get angry easily and everyone i know as a friend cannot fill one hand fingers count.
I do not know and have never seen a girl smile at me or one who stopped me to say hi.
I am weak and i do get colds every now and then. Out here all my dreams have been reduced to getting a meal today and if i am alive its good enough.
I hardly please anyone ,already failed pleasing God or so the spirit that lived in me.
WHEN DID ALL THIS CHANGE..
I started getting rained on when i looked at everyone else my age peer class background or educated as me and compare anything that is different.
I started reviewing everyone i know family friend recorded i admire or alive done same things or not and compare see what they have done differently.
And yes,i got my revelation.... There was only one thing that was alike ...with everyone and one thing different in all of us.
Everyone seemed to be successful at a certain age but also stalled in life at a certain age...that is if they never corrupted.
That was common...everyone had successful youth ,many stories of fun were created while they were young and all they did was repeat that to each other when they met ..Hardly did anyone discuss the same old daily life ...yes it is and was same to everyone.All those who succeeded did much later while older and with family...
The magic
I was growing bolder and i had managed to convince myself i really loved this girl an that i wanted to really have us cement by the show of lovers sexual hands. So on that lucky and unlucky night...
I hugged a girl ,,,we kissed i sucked on her tits she kissed my neck...we did curess and i have and had not felt something so sweet.
I felt my tongue numb because of sweetness and i could not stop me.
And right then my brain stopped working from my head and moved into my groins.
All the while all i wished was how to make a woman happy to love me just for me to be with her.
In the bliss of my exploration to perfect world in love...that same moment i sunk my manhood...in the same road sinks ships and planes disappear...the spirit of God left me.but i did not realize because it was traded places ...by this fantasy and experience of warmth of a woman.
Reality,before everything changed if needed anything it found me, tell you the truth if i wanted to here a song on the radio it would play..yes i would move mountains.
Now I realize everything i need, i have to work for it..find it...make it...if its a person find them..if its a place go to it.
I find out all the power i had as the glory of God was no longer in me...my head that would shine with my fave without oil was never.
My body that would grow healthy and big started getting sick.
Trust me all your life,you can only eat of the trees you planted before you had sex the first time...all the things and connection you see or so the lacking is a result of that period...
All human only gets as far as all they planned then....no matter how large successful or weird,it is as a result..of then ...UNLESS GOD DECIDES IT YOUR CHANCE TO HAVE HIS SPIRIT AGAIN...because he has a greater purpose on you.
